Last night was our last night rehearsing at Upstage. The space was such a big part of creating this show, leaving it feels almost like leaving a cast member behind. From the first hot, sweaty "read through," when we worked together to make a usable space for ourselves, WHERE we were influenced WHO we were. Kudos to our director for that - it was brilliant! Making a place for yourself, living with what IS, finding what you need within what you have available - these are all important pieces of the "Rent" story, and being at Upstage allowed them to be an important part of our "Rent" experience as well. We worked hard there, we ate & drank, we laughed & cried, we made music, mistakes, magic, and memories. Upstage served as the birthplace and home of this production.  Now that it's time for us to move out into the world and share what we became there, I feel the need to acknowledge my gratitude for what the space provided - because I have certainly come to value the importance of the walls around you throughout this process.

Last night was our last night rehearsing at Upstage. The space was such a big part of creating this show, leaving it feels almost like leaving a cast member behind. From the first hot, sweaty "read through," when we worked together to make a usable space for ourselves, WHERE we were influenced WHO we were. Kudos to our director for that - it was brilliant! Making a place for yourself, living with what IS, finding what you need within what you have available - these are all important pieces of the "Rent" story, and being at Upstage allowed them to be an important part of our "Rent" experience as well. We worked hard there, we ate & drank, we laughed & cried, we made music, mistakes, magic, and memories. Upstage served as the birthplace and home of this production.  Now that it's time for us to move out into the world and share what we became there, I feel the need to acknowledge my gratitude for what the space provided - because I have certainly come to value the importance of the walls around you throughout this process.

Home is where the heart is, they say,
It's where you hang your hat
No place like it
Sweet place

Lovely words to frame and hang
If you have walls
Soft words for a throw pillow
If you have a bed

I've never seen a plaque which reads:
"Home means meeting basic needs"
Wind from my back, rain from my head
A place to store a loaf of bread
A place to hold what can't be carried
Somewhere safe to change my clothes
A door to close when nature calls
When love wants making
When tears need shed
A door to open

Look within your walls today
Imagine what you'd take away
Inside a sack
And upon your back

Imagine what you'd take away
And all you'd leave behind

I've been thinking quite a bit about how a woman like me would end up where she needs to be for this. It's not really a difficult path to imagine. I lived in the Connecticut 'burbs as a teen, worked as a "mother's helper," saw women's lives. What if I married my college love - maybe before my degree was finished, took an MRS degree and went to work in an office to help out while he got his MBA? Some time goes by, a child or three come along. He works in the city, I mom in the 'burbs - what if he loved me, but had what would have been considered at the time a "dirty little secret?" Spent some time in the city letting who he really wanted to be come out to play... I'd have known on some level that we weren't okay, but I know a lot of women who used a little vodka & Valium to keep the secrets quiet. Maybe when he got sick, I leaned a little harder. Kids grown, or damn near, bailing fast on the mess we've made for them. He's never home, but the checks still hit the bank; nobody needs me, I like things better fuzzy. Then fuzzier, when the job's gone, the kids are gone, the wolves are howling. Maybe I try the city for work - nobody knows me there, I can make my own way, start over. But I can't. Now I'm sick too, and there's no net. Fuzzy's harder to come by, but way more valuable. Not much left but anger & fear, trying to find a place to be; a little solitude for my aloneness, a little something to keep me from starting scream & cry, cuz I'm pretty sure I'd never stop. Yeah, I can get there from here...